“Once upon a time, there was a Warlock…”
Charlie Sheen’s been in the news pretty frequently over the past few months. Oh, you knew that already? That makes sense, you can’t escape him; you’re bombarded with updates from his life, all of which become viral in minutes because they are so completely absurd and concerning/hilarious. We’re witnessing a man’s self-destruction and descent into considerable personal anguish for himself and his family.
There has been so much coverage on Charlie Sheen that when deciding to write about his shenanigans, I didn’t even know where to start; big shout out to Wikipedia for their very helpful and concise timeline of his descent into madness. I gave up after tracing the chaos 28 pages into Perez Hilton’s back catalogue of judgment. A round of applause, please, for Perez and his insightful, helpfully constructive comments like “Dignity? Considering his antics of late, we didn't know he knew what that word meant. Then again maybe he still doesn't. Ha!”
The “Warlock’s” antics appeal to different demographics and provoke varying responses; to the grown ups, he’s an attention seeking, Hollywood wash out. His wacky one liners and catch phrases like “I’m not bi-polar, I’m bi-winning” appeal to what the BBC news would probably refer to as “the young people”, who would applaud his fairly indifferent attitude to sleeping with the occasional prostitute, going home to sleep with his porn star girlfriend, and harboring a cocaine habit. soundslikeabitofamentalbreakdownLAD.
But why is the world so obsessed with Sheen’s chaotic lifestyle? Will we, in fact, spur him on until the uncomfortable day he appears dressed as a llama wearing a poncho and singing the Croatian national anthem, to which we shrug indifferently, desensitised to the insanity? Probably; the media and its followers have already become tired of Lindsay Lohan’s continuous legal troubles and alcohol abuse, as well as her mum and dad’s embarrassing fame-hungry approach to parenting. Instead of stating how she was once “the rising star of Hollywood”, or “hot tipped for success” like many would, there is little point in emphasising that Lindsay might lose all the success she had, because that ship has sailed. Having become more famous for maybe stealing a necklace (the surveillance video of which has, of course, been sold and broadcast online. Jackpot) and pleading for her freedom in a courtroom, there is little hope of her returning to her former glory, no matter how many apparently hilarious send-ups of herself she does on television.
So what does the future hold for Charlie Sheen? It doesn’t look good; according to our friend, the omniscient and caring Perez Hilton, he is struggling to find a publisher for his tell-all book, has had his trailer on the lot for Two and a Half Men removed officially, and a family member phoned the police to orchestrate a raid of his house. And he’s slowly but surely burning bridges with key figures in Hollywood, like the creator and his co-star of Two and a Half Men. On the other hand, he seems pretty okay with all of this, reportedly responding to his father Martin Sheen’s public appeal for him to find help with "My conduct is bitchin', my condition is perfect." I guess we’ll have to ride it out and see where the Warlock stands when his #TigerBlood runs out. Maybe we’ll go easy on him when he sobers up and makes amends.
Yeah, I didn’t think so either; Perez has to put food on the table.
Update: Mr Sheen has turned his less than model behavior into a show and is going to tour massive stadiums across The States. Where can you get tickets? You can’t they all sold out within minutes. Don’t worry though, you can buy some official Sheen merchandise instead. Looks like going a bit mental might actually make Charlie a “WINNER”
Jonny Stone
